Celebrating life stories...

Memories

 

Memorial created 08-4-2011 by
Suneita Haupt For Whitney Long and Johnny Leach II
John Luther Leach III AKA Baby Jay
September 8 2010 - October 11 2010

Mommy and Baby Johnny

I created this memorial in loving memory of my grandson, for his  and his Mommies birthday...John Luther  Leach III, Mommy and Daddies little man and  Nana's little Jaybird, Forever in our hearts. This is my  journal though greif during the first year after our precioius baby went to heaven. For my daughter, I wish I could fix this...

Baby Johnny's Story:

Baby Johnny was born September 8, 2010, on his Mommies 18th birthday, This pregnacy was an especially difficult one for his Mommy, very sick, a placental abruption at 16 weeks, preterm labor at 24 weeks and another a placental abruption at 27 weeks gestation that required an emergency c-section.

Waiting outside the operating room for my daughter and her son to come out was the longest time of my life worrying about the safety of both.  And then, the nurse wheeled this little isolette out and there he was our Miracle Baby, so tiny but alive and doing well.

 Born a beautiful little 1 lb 12 oz and 12 inches long precious little bundle of joy and happiness. the joy he brought to us is undescribable but, Johnny was born with a PDA, (a valve in his little heart did not close) not uncommon for micro preemies like Jay, he was given a round of meds to close the valve, during this time he was not allowed to have his mothers milk, they would give him three days between the doses during which time he had mommies milk and started to gain weight only to have to have another round of the medications.  It was decided by the Doc's that Johnny need to have surgery to close this valve, common procedure, lots of experience, he would be fine and start to flourish... This was not the case, Johnny contracted an infection from the surgery and  left us at 33 days...Rest in Peace our Little Angel, FOREVER 33 DAYS!!!!       Happy First Birthday in Heaven..

Please sign Baby Johnny's 's guest book and let us know you came to visit. We will remember and love Baby Johnny forever.

 

OUR ANGEL IN HEAVEN

 

EXCITEMENT, FEAR, SADNESS THAT HE WOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE PROCEDURES THE WENT THROUGH, EXCITEMENT FOR HIS MOMMY, HER FIRST CHILD, A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY, FEAR BECAUSE HE WAS BEING BORN TOO SOON, SADNESS THAT WE COULDN’T HOLD HIM. AND BRING HIM HOME WITH US. THESE ARE THE FEELINGS I FELT THE NIGHT BABY JAY WAS BORN!!!!
SADNESS, GREIF, SICK TO MY STOMACH, GUILT THESE ARE ALL OF THE FEELINGS THAT I AS A GRANDMOTHER HAVE A WEEK AFTER OUR BABY JAY PASSED AWAY.
 

Looking at Mommy

 

JOHN LUTHER III IS THE SEVENTH GRANDCHILD THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH; HE WAS BORN INTO A WORLD THAT WAS FULL OF BRIGHT LIGHTS, LOUD NOISES AND PROCEDURES THAT NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO ENDURE IN A LONG LIFETIME, LET ALONE A BRAND NEW BABY THAT WAS BORN BEFORE HIS TIME.
BABY JAY WAS BORN SEPTEMBER 8, 2010, JOHN LUTHER LEACH III ,12 WEEKS PREMATURE, HE WAS BORN ON HIS MOMMYS 18TH BIRTHDAY AND HE LEFT US ON OCTOBER 11, 2010. HE WAS A BLESSING FROM THE START. HIS STRUGGLE TO SURVIVE AND HIS WILL TO SURVIVE SURPASSED MANY CHALLENGES THAT EVEN AN ADULT COULD HANDLE. HIS SHORT LITTLE LIFE HAS MADE SUCH A MONUMENTAL IMPACT ON MY LIFE AS A GRANDMA, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN SHOULD NEVER LEAVE THIS WORLD BEFORE WE DO, WE SHOULD BE WAITING FOR THEM TO REACH THE GATES OF HEAVEN, NOT THEM WAITING FOR US.   I FEEL COMPELLED TO KEEP THIS JOURNAL AS A REMINDER THAT HE WAS HERE WITH US AND THAT HE REMAINS IN OUR HEARTS.

 

 

 

JOHNNY AND GRANDPA

 

NOVEMBER 10, 2010
TOMORROW MARKS ONE MONTH SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN GONE, I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT BACK THE TEARS, YOU WERE HERE FOR SUCH A SHORT TIME AND YOU MADE YOUR MARK ON SO MANY LIVES, YOU WERE AN INNOCENT SOUL AND THAT GIVES ME PEACE IN KNOWING YOU ARE WITH GOD. OUR HEARTS ACHES WITH EVERYDAY THAT PASSES, WONDERING WHY THIS HAD TO HAPPEN TO OUR FAMILY. YOU SHOULD BE HERE WITH US RIGHT NOW, YOU SHOULD BE GAINING WEIGHT AND GETTING READY FOR YOUR HOMECOMMING, YOU MOMMY HAS YOUR ROOM ALL SET UP FOR YOU, SHE HAS YOUR CLOTHES, BED CARSEAT, EVERYTHING THAT YOU WOULD HAVE N EEDED HAD YOU CAME HOME. I SEE YOUR LITTLE PRECIOUS FACE EVERYDAY AND IT MAKES ME SMILE AND CRY AT THE SAME TIME…WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN???
I HATE IT THAT YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY ARE SO SAD, THEY LOVE YOU SO MUCH, THEY LONG TO HOLD YOU AND KISS YOU GOODNIGHT.
 

The most Beautiful Baby in the World!

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY NOVEMBER 11, 2010, ANOTHER DAY THAT I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT WHY THIS HAD TO HAPPEN, YOU WERE GIVEN TO US FOR SUCH A SHORT TIME AND THEN TAKEN BACK IT SEEMS SO UNFAIR, I HATE THAT MY DAUGHTER IS SO SAD , I HATE THAT SHE CAN ONLY SEE YOU IN HER DREAMS, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I AM SO THANKFUL THAT SHE DOES SEE YOU IN HER DREAMS BECAUSE THAT TELLS US THAT YOU ARE ALRIGHT. I CRY EVERYDAY, WILL THAT EVER STOP? WILL THERE BE A DAY THAT I CAN GET THROUGH WITHOUT THE HEAVY HEART TUGGING AT ME AND MAKING IT DIFFICULT TO DEAL WHAT LIFE IS THROWING AT US. WILL THERE BE A DAY THAT MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER WILL BE ABLE TO LOOK BACK AT THE MEMORIES WITHOUT TEARS IN HER EYES BUT WITH LOVING MEMORIES IN HER HEART? I LONG FOR THAT DAY, I LONG TO SEE THE PAIN IN MY LITTLE GIRLS EYES GO AWAY, I LONG TO SEE YOU BABY JAY. YOUR NANA WILL BE THE BEST PERSON SHE CAN BE SO THAT SHE CAN BE WITH YOU ONE DAY. ARE YOU WITH GRANDPA? I THINK YOU ARE I THINK YOU HAVE THE ARMS AROUND YOU IN HEAVEN THAT YOU COULD NOT HAVE HERE. 
 

Johnny and Daddy!

 

NOVEMBER 15, 2010
TODAY IS YOU’RE UNCLES 21 BIRTHDAY AND YOUR 5 WEEK ANGEL DAY. I STILL MISS YOU SO MUCH AND MY HEART ACHES EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE ARE MISSING. YOU WOULD BE COMING HOME IN A FEW WEEKS, YOU WOULD HAVE SURELY SURPASSED YOUR 4 LB MARK AND YOUR MAMA WOULD BE THERE TO SEE YOU EVERYDAY. I WENT SHOPPING FOR CHRISTMAS ON SATURDAY AND FOUND MYSELF IN THE BABY SECTION EVERYWHERE I WENT, NOT MY CHOICE, BUT THERE. I KEPT THINKING, I SHOULD GET THIS FOR BABY JAY FOR CHRISTMAS AND THEN REALITY WOULD HIT. HY STOMACH WOULD START TO ACHE AND MY EYES WOULD START TO WELL UP WITH TEARS. THE SADNESS JUST NEVER SEEMS TO GO AWAY. SADNESS FOR YOUR MOMMY NEVER SEEMS TO GO AWAY EITHER..
 

Forever missed!!

 

NOVEMBER 22, 2010,
WE SHOULD BE LOOKING FORWARD TO BRINGING YOU HOME AND HEARING THE LITTLE SOUNDS OF A NEWBORN BABY CRYING, WE NEVER GOT TO HEAR YOU CRY, YOU WERE NEVER EVEN GIVEN THE CHANCE TO HAVE A VOICE, AS TINY AS IT WAS WE WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HEAR IT. My HEART IS BREAKING ALL OVER AGAIN WATCHING THE VIDEOS OF THE NIGHT YOU WERE BORN, HEALTHY LITTLE 27 WEEK OLD BABY, YOU WERE SO BEAUTIFUL AND WE HAD SUCH HOPE FOR YOU.  
 

 

NOVEMBER 29, 2010
WE CELEBRATED OUR FIRST THANKSGIVING WITHOUT YOU. WE THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE HOME BY NOW, YOUR MOMMY PACKED YOUR STUFF AWAY AND CRIED MOST OF THE DAY, SHE AND YOUR DADDY MISS YOU SO MUCH, WE ALL MISS YOU SO MUCH. WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU OFF DURING THE HOLIDAYS. OUR HEARTS ARE BREAKING THAT WE CAN’T EVEN HOLD YOU WITH US. I MET A NEW BABY TODAY, I COULD HARDLY LOOK AT HER AND I AM SUPPOSED TO START WATCHING HER NEXT WEEK. I AM HOPING THAT THIS HELPS WITH THE GRIEF PROCESS AND DOESN’T HINDER IT. SHE WILL NEVER TAKE YOUR PLACE IN MY HEART BABY, YOU ARE THERE FOREVER AND NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT PLACE. I CRY AND CRY THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE ARE MISSING, BUT THEN I FEEL SOME RELIEF KNOWING THAT YOU ARE WITH THE ANGELS. YOUR SHORT LITTLE LIFE HAD SO MUCH MEANING, IT HAS OPENEND SO MANY DOORS AND BROUGHT SO MANY PEOPLE INTO OUR LIVES, YOU WERE NOT BORN WITHOUT A PURPOSE, YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE IS GREATER THAN ANYONE CAN KNOW. LOVE TO YOU LITTLE BABY JAY…YOUR NANA CRYS FOR YOU AND MISSES YOU EVERYDAY..
 

Jay's first few days!

 

DECEMBER 2, 2010
I CANT STAND THIS, I WANT MY DAUGHTER HAPPY, I WANT OUR LITTLE BABY BACK, I KEEP HOPING THIS IS JUST A NIGHTMARE THAT WE ARE GOING TO WAKE UP FROM AND YOU WILL BE HERE..MY TEARS FLOW AND I CANT STOP THEM, MY HEART IS BREAKING EVERY MINUTE.   I AM HOLDING YOU IN MY HEART FOREVER UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN…WHY DID I NOT STAY THERE WITH YOU THAT NIGHT, WHY DID I NOT ENCOURAGE WHITNEY TO STAY WITH YOU..A PART OF MY HEART HAS DIED WITH YOU..
DECEMBER 3, WOW ITS ONLY BEEN ONE DAY AND I THINK I’M GONNA CRY…I DREAMT OF YOU LAST NIGHT, I DREAMNT THAT YOU WERE IN YOUR MAMA’S ROOM IN YOUR CRIB WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL BLOND HAIR. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY WE ARE BEING PUT THROUGH THIS AND I CERTAINLY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WERE PUT THROUGH WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH. I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL BE THE BEST I CAN TO ASSURE YOU THAT YOUR NANA WILL HOLD YOU SOMEDAY.
 

Always in our Hearts..

 

DECEMBER 14, 2010 TODAY I JUST HAD AN OUTBURST; TALKING WITH A MOM ABOUT HER BEAUTIFUL BABY. BABY KAYLA, I TOLD HER TODAY THAT I WOULD GIVE HER ALL THE HUGS AND KISSES THAT WERE MEANT FOR YOU, BUT DON’T WORRY, THERE WILL BE PLENTY FOR YOU WHEN I GET TO HEAVEN.

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN VERY HARD FOR YOUR MOMMY, DADDY, THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WELCOMING YOU INTO OUR WORLD THIS WEEK AND INSTEAD WE WERE LIGHTING A CANDLE MEMORALIZING OUR LOSS. JAYBIRD I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED, I STILL CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY, I KNOW YOU ARE IN GOOD HANDS AND I KNOW I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, BUT THE EMPTYNESS OF LOSING YOU IS SOMETIMES TOO HARD TO BEAR. YOUR LITTLE HANDS, YOUR LITTLE FEET, THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT YOUR MOMMY, WE MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH OF YOUR LITTLE LIFE. IF I COULD GO BACK AND DO IT OVER AGAIN I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE EVERYDAY WITH YOU, I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD TO HAVE THAT TIME BACK AND BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR LITTLE FACE. WE MADE ORNAMENTS FOR THE TREE SO THAT YOU WILL BE HERE WITH US, EVERYTHING WE THINK AND DO REVOLVES AROUND YOU. YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, A NANA SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO SEE THEIR GRANDCHILD DIE, IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND, I FEEL LIKE THIS IS SO WRONG, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO BE AT THE PEARLY GATES WAITING FOR YOU AND YOUR COUSINS. MY HEART BREAKS OVER AND OVER EVERYDAY! I LOVE YOU LITTLE JAYBIRD

 

CHRISTMAS

 

DECEMBER 16, 2010
ARE WE EVER GONNA WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE? NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I JUST KEEP THINKING THIS IS A TEMPORARY SITUATION AND AS SOON AS I FINISH WHAT I NEED TO DO, WE CAN GO AND GET YOU AND BRING YOU HOME.  YOUR MOMMY IS SO VERY SAD, I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.  SHE WAS THE HAPPIEST WHEN SHE WAS LOOKING AT YOUR LITTLE FACE.
 

Merry Christmas Baby Boy!!

 

December 24, 2010 OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU, I HAVE FOUND IT EXRTREMLY HARD TO FUNCTION WITH OUT YOU HERE, YOU HAVE BEEN ON MY MIND EVERYDAY, I TRY NOT TO CRY BEAUSE I THINK THAT YOU WOULD NOT LIKE IT AND I DO NOT WANT YOUR MOM TO SEE THAT IT WOULD MAKE HER SAD. SOMETIMES ITS HARD. I KNOW YOU ARE SAFE IN THE ARMS OF GRANDPA, BUT OUR HEARTS STILL BREAK FOR WHAT WE LOST. YOU GAVE US HOPE AND YOU WERE OUR FUTURE. WE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN PRECIOUS BOY. MERRY CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN..
 

The last time my Nana saw me..

 

December 28, 2010
HI BABY JAYBIRD, I AM JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU TODAY AND MY HEART IS HEAVY WITH SADNESS. I WANT YOU TO BE HERE WITH US SO BAD, ITS BEEN 12 WEEKS SINCE WE SAW YOU LAST. I WAKE UP AND THINK THAT TODAY IS GONNA BE THE DAY THAT THEY TELL US TO WAKE UP ITS ALL BEEN A DREAM. WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF NEXT YEAR 2011, I WANT TO BRING YOU INTO OUR ARMS AND FILL THE VOID THAT LOSING YOU HAS CREATED. YOUR MAMA ASKED ME IF YOU WOULD BE MAD IF SHE HAD ANOTHER BABY, I KNOW YOU WOULD BE HAPPY THAT THERE IS SOMEONE MAKING YOUR MAMA HAPPY, SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH JAY, NO ONE WILL EVER FILL THAT SPECIAL PLACE IN HER HEART THAT YOU HOLD, YOU ARE A LITTLE PLACE MARKER, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE UNTIL WE SEE YOU AGAIN.
 

Never forgotten!!

 

January 5, 2011
WE CELEBRATED THE NEW YEAR ROLLING IN WITHOUT YOU HERE, YOU WERE NEVER FAR FROM OUR MINDS, I CREATED A MEMORY SHELF FOR YOU IN OUR LIVING ROOM. I HAD TO WONDER, IF GOD GAVE YOU A CHOICE, WOULD YOU HAVE CAME BACK TO US OR STAYED IN HEAVEN. ALTHOUGH, I SAY I WONDER, I THINK THE ANSWER IS CLEAR, YOU WOULD HAVE STAYED WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL BODY AND GROW IN THE ARMS OF LOVED ONES THAT HAVE PASSED BEFORE US..
 

Johnny and Daddy!

 

January 10, 2011
12 WEEKS AGO WE WERE HIT WITH THE REALITY THAT WE WOULD NOT BE BRINGING YOU HOME. IT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE AND YOUR MOMMY AND DADDYS AS WELL. MONDAYS ARE ESPECIALLY HARD FOR YOUR NANA, BECAUSE IT BRINGS BACK THE SADNESS FROM THAT DAY. STILL I THINK IN THE BACK OF MY MIND THAT YOU WILL BE COMING HOME, THAT I’M GONNA WAKE UP, BECAUSE THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO OTHER PEOPLE NOT OUR FAMILY. MAYBE BECAUSE THIS IS JUST A TEMPOARY STOP FOR ALL OF US AND WHEN I WAKE UP I WILL BE HOME WITH YOU I WILL NOT HAVE TO WATCH MY BABY GIRL SUFFER THE WORST PAIN OF HER LIFE. I LOVE YOU BABY JAYBIRD, YOU ARE SO LOVED.. I SEE YOUR LITTLE FACE  EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES. 
 

 

JANUARY 24, 2011

BABY BOY, I AM SO THINKING ABOUT YOU TODAY, IT HAS BEEN 14 WEEKS SINCE I LAST SAW YOU LIVING AND BREATHING, IT IS SO NOT FAIR. I SEE THE PAIN IN YOUR MOMMY AND DADDIES EYES. THE LIFE THAT WE BELIEVED WOULD BE SUCH A HAPPY TIME IN OUR LIFE WAS CUT SHORT WAY TOO SOON. I THINK OF YOU WITH YOUR GREAT GRANDPA AND YOUR GREAT GREAT GRAMMA AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SAFE AND HAPPY, AND I WANT TO BE THERE WITH YOU. I WANT TO HOLD YOU AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WERE LOVED HERE ON THIS TEMPORARY PLANET. YOU ARE SO MISSED, YOUR LIFE IS SO MISSED, YOUR HUGS AND KISSES THAT WE SHOULD BE GIVING YOU NOW IS SO MISSED…BABY JAY..YOU ARE OUR FUTURE, YOU HAD THE COURAGE TO GO TO GOD… I AM COUNTING THE DAYS AND MINUTES UNTIL WE SEE YOU AGAIN

 

 

JANUARY 26, 2011
TODAY YOUR MOMMY FOUND SOME VIDEOS OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE BORN AND A FEW DAYS OLD. IT WAS SO GREAT TO SEE YOU ALIVE AND KICKING YOUR LITTLE FEET. YOU WERE LOOKING AT YOUR MOMMY LIKE SHE WAS THE ONE AND ONLY LOVE IN YOUR LIFE. WE MISS YOU SO MUCH BABY, IT HAS BEENTHREE AND A HALF MONTHS AND WHEN I THINK OF THE DAY YOU LEFT US IT FEELS LIKE THE FIRST DAY.  YOU ARE IN MY HEART FOREVER.

 

FEBRUARY 7, 2011
BABY, ANOTHER MONDAY HAS COME AND GONE, TOMORROW YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN 5 MONTHS OLD, PLAYING WITH TOYS, SMILING STARTING TO EAT SOLID FOOD, AND MAYBE STARTING TO SIT UP.  WE ARE MISSING ALL THAT, THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON’T LOOK AND KAYLA AND THINK HOW MUCH WE ARE MISSING. I HOPE THAT YOU ARE SAFE AND WELL IN THE ARMS OF GRANDPA AND GRAMMAS THAT YOU HAVE THERE. THE HOLE IN MY HEART IS NOT HEALING, ITS GETTING A LITTLE SOFTER, BUT THE HOLE WILL NEVER CLOSE. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS BABY BOY AND I JUST CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE WITH YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY AND YOUR FAMILY…YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART..YOUR NANA LOVES AND MISSES YOU SO MUCH.
 

 

February 8, 2011
TODAY WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR 5 MONTH BIRTHDAY, MY HEART BROKE ALL DAY TODAY THINKING OF WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN SMILING, AND HAPPY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SIT UP, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN TRYING YOUR FIRST TASTE OF SOLID FOODS, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN TRYING TO ROLL OVER, A SMALL TASK IN THE MINDS OF A GROWN UP, BUT A VERY REAL TOUGH TASK FOR A FIVE MONTH OLD. YOU NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO CHALLENGE YOURSELF IN THESE SMALL BUT DIFFICULT TASKS, YOU ONLY GOT THE CHANCE TO TRY TO LIVE. TO LIVE FOR THE NEXT TIME YOU WOULD HEAR YOUR MOMMYS VOICE AND FEEL HER TOUCH, THE NEXT CHANCE YOU GOT TO BE HELD IN HER ARMS. YOU ARE SO LOVED AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN GET THE CHANCE TO KNOW THAT. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR, UNFAIR TO YOU AND SO UNFAIR TO YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY AND SO UNFAIR TO ALL OF US WHO NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED. YOUR NANA LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND MY HEART BREAKS EVERYDAY KNOWING THAT I WILL NOT SEE YOU UNTIL I AM ON THE OTHER SIDE. PLEASE BE THERE WAITING FOR ME, BECAUSE I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU THERE…LOVE AND HUGS TO MY PRECIOUS BABY GRANDSON..
 

 

FEBRUARY 14, 2010
TODAY IS THE FIRST VALENTINES DAY THAT YOU MISSED, IF YOU WERE HERE YOU WOULD NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, EXCEPT FOR MAYBE SOME BALLOONS AND EXTRA HAPPY MOMMY AND DADDY ON THIS SPECIAL DAY OF LOVE, I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, I KNOW THIS IS THE THIRD EVENT THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE FOR. I WISH YOU WERE HERE EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY, I LIGHT A CANDLE FOR YOU OFTEN SO THAT I KNOW EVERYONE WHO ENTERS OUR HOUSE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE STILL HERE. I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU AND IN THIS DREAM YOU WERE BETWEEN 5-6 MONTHS OLD, I WAS AWAKENED BY SOMEONE CALLING MY NAME. IT WAS YOUR GREAT GRANDPA, I KNOW HE WAS LETTING ME KNOW THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE TOGETHER, AND THAT IS SUCH A COMFORTING THOUGHT, YOU ARE GROWING UP IN HEAVEN, WHAT NICER PLACE TO GROW UP…WE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN SOMEDAY LITTLE JAYBIRD…NANA LOVES YOU FOR EVER….
 

Love looking at Mommy

 

February 21, 2011
ITS MONDAY AGAIN, SO MANY MONDAYS HAVE PASSSED SINCE YOU LEFT US, MY HEART STILL BREAKS AND I MISS YOU MORE AND MORE EACH DAY. YOUR MOMMY HAS GONE TO CALI TO SEE HER FRIENDS, ITS GOOD FOR HER, SHE MISSES YOU SO MUCH AND IT JUST KIND OF TAKES A LITTLE OF THE PAIN AWAY OF NOT HAVING YOU HERE. I DREAMED ABOUT YOU THE OTHER NIGHT YOU WERE ABOUT 6 MONTHS OLD AND YOU WERE PLAYING WITH A RATTLE, YOU WERE SMILING AND LAUGHING AND CHEWING ON THE RATTLE LIKE IT WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND. MY DAD, YOUR GREAT GRANDPA CALLED MY NAME TO TELL ME THAT YOU Were WITH HIM AND SAFE. I DO FIND SOME COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT YOU ARE IN LOVING ARMS BUT I STILL WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH US…NANA’S LITTLE JAYBIRD, I HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE FOR YOU..
April 7, 2011
ITS SO NOT FAIR, I LOOK AND HEAR ABOUT ALL THESE LITTLE PREMIE BABIES THAT ARE DOING GREAT AND GOD CHOSE YOU, WHY? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. TEARS OF SADNESS FOR YOU EVERYDAY, YOU ARE IN MY HEARTS AND IN MY THOUGHTS, YOU WILL BE MISSING YOUR FIRST EASTER ON EARTH, I’M SURE HEAVEN HAS A HUGE CELEBRATION FOR THIS HOLIDAY, WE WILL BE MISSING OUR FIRST EASTER WITHOUT YOU, YOU WERE HERE LAST YEAR, JUST A LITTLE PEA IN YOUR MAMAS WOMB, SAFE ALIVE AND WARM. I WISH WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE THAT THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT, I THINK I’M GONNA WAKE UP AND KNOW MY DAUGHTER NEVER FELT THE PAIN OF LOSING A CHILD, THAT I NEVER FELT THE PAIN OF WATCHING AND KNOWING I COULD DO NOTHING TO FIX MY GRANDSON OR MY DAUGHTER, I AM SO SORRY BABY BOY, I AM SO SORRY I WAS NOT THERE TO SEE YOU OFF TO HEAVEN, ONE OF MY BIGGEST REGRETS IN LIFE WILL BE THAT, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE…LOVE YOUR NANA
 

 

April 20, 2011
YESTERDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY, YOU WERE ON MY MIND ALL DAY, THINKING THIS IS A CELEBRATION OF MY BIRTH AND YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE WITH YOUR COUSINS TO CELEBRATE WITH US. WE LIT CANDLES IN YOUR MEMORY; IT JUST MAKES ME AND MOMMY FEEL LIKEYOU AE HERE SOMEHOW. I HAVE BEEN SO SAD ALL DAY, I ORDERED YOUR MOMMIES FIRST MOTHERS DAY GIFT. I HOPE SHE LOVES IT BECAUSE IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED. A PIECE OF MY HEART IS IN HEAVEN. LOVE YOU BABY BOY.

 

 

 

 

April 24, 2011

HAPPY FIRST EASTER BABY JAY, YOU WERE IN MY THOUGHTS ALL DAY, WISHING THAT YOU WERE HERE CELEBRATING YOUR FIRST EASTER WITH US, THE DAY WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH DIFFERENT, I COULDN’T BRING MYSELF TO BE HAPPY WITH ALL THE KIDS RUNNING AROUND LAUGHING AND HUNTING EGGS, WHEN I KNEW YOU WERNT HERE. I MISS YOU AND THE TIME THAT WE DON’T HAVE WITH YOU SEEMS SO UNFAIR. WHY DID GOD CHOOSE YOU WHEN HE DID. I LOVE YOU BABY BOY SO VERY MUCH. OUR HEARTS WILL NEVER BE COMPLETELY FILLED UNTIL WE SEE YOU AGAIN IN HEAVEN!

 

 

 

May 2, 2011
WHY?? WHY?? OUT OF ALL THE BABIES IN THE NICU THAT NIGHT, WHY DID GOD CHOOSE YOU? I DON’T UNDERSTAND…MOTHERS DAY IS COMING UP AND ITS GONNA BE YOUR MAMA’S FIRST MOTHERS DAY WITHOUT YOU, I BOUGHT HER A SPECIAL GIFT FROM YOU, IT WILL NEVER TAKE THE PLACE OF YOU, BUT IT WILL HELP HER TO HOLD YOU CLOSE, YOU ARE NEVER FAR FROM OUR THOUGHTS AND NEVER A MILLISECOND AWAY FROM OUR HEARTS, IF WE COULD HAVE JUST ONE MORE DAY TO MAKE DIFFERENT CHOICES ABOUT YOUR FUTURE, YOU MIGHT BE HERE WITH US..BABY, KNOW YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY MADE THE CHOICE BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA MAKE YOU BETTER, AND MAYBE IT DID, BUT FOR US THE PAIN WILL NEVER END…
May 3, 2011
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE? MY HEART BREAKS EVERYDAY…I WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH US…YOU ARE NEVER FAR FROM MY HEART…
 

 

May 23, 2011
I KNOW ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN BUT KNOW BABY JAY, YOU ARE NEVER FAR FROM MY THOUGHTS, WE HAD MOTHERS DAY AND I GAVE YOUR MAMA A BEAUTIFUL PENDANT WITH YOU NAME ON IT, YOU ARE HER ANGEL, IT WAS A SAD DAY TO HAVE MOTHERS DAY AND NOT BE ABLE TO HOLD YOUR CHILD, BUT KNOW THAT WE HOLD YOU SO VERY CLOSE TO OUR HEARTS, I LOOK IN THE CLOUDS FOR SOME SIGN OF YOU, I LOOK EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW LIFE CAN JUST GO ON FOR US AND STOP FOR YOU, I DO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE IN ETERNAL BLISS AND I CANT WAIT TO MEET YOU THERE, YOUR COURAGE TO LEAVE THIS WORLD HAS GIVEN ME THE COURAGE TO GO AND MEET YOU. I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOUR LITTLE FACE AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT AGAIN..FOREVER AND ALWAYS IN MY HEART MY LITTLE JAYBIRD..
 

 

June 4, 2011
JAY I AM MAKING ANOTHER VIDEO OF YOUR SHORT LITTLE LIFE. I CAN’T STOP CRYING, THIS IS SO NOT FAIR, AND WHY DID GOD CHOOSE YOU SO SOON. I SEE YOUR LITTLE FACE AND I THINK THAT YOU S HOULD BE HERE, YOUR MOMMY IS A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN SHE WOULD BE IF YOU WERE HERE, YOU ARE IN MY HEART THERE IS SUCH A VOID IN OUR FAMILY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HERE. YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN..
June 13, 2011
BABY BOY, ONE MORE MONDAY HAS GONE BY AND YOUR NOT HERE, YOU ARE THE FIRST THING I THINK ABOUT IN THE MORNING AND THE LAST THING I THINK ABOUT BEFORE I CLOSE MY EYES AND DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP. I WISH I WOULD SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS, JUST TO KNOW YOU ARE DOING WELL AND HAPPY WITH YOUR HEAVENLY FAMILY, WE WILL BE THERE WITH YOU SOON ENOUGH. I AM SURE YOU ARE WITH YOUR AUNTS UNCLES GRAMMAS AND GRANDPAS AND THEY ARE HOLDING YOU CLOSE AND SHOWING YOU THE LOVE THAT YOU CANT GET FROM US. WE ARE TRYING TO STAY STRONG, BUT SOME DAYS IT JUST GETS TOO HARD….LOVE AND HUGS TO MY HEAVENLY GRANDSON, NANA LOVES AND MISSES YOU..
 

 

June 29, 2011
TODAY IS A ROUGH DAY FOR ME, I HAVE TEARS WELLING UP AND THAT SICK FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH. I REALLY WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT, I AM SO EXCITED THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER COUSIN, BUT SO SAD THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE WITH US. I KNOW ALL THE GRAMMAS UNDERSTAND, BUT I’M NOT SURE YOUR MOMMY WILL. I AM FEELING SICK AT THE THOUGHT OF HER HAVING TO SEE ANOTHER BABY IN OUR FAMILY AND KNOWING THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE HER LITTLE MAN. JAY, YOU ARE SO LOVED, YOU ARE SO MISSED..TODAY MY HEART IS BREAKING, EVERYDAY MY HEART IS BROKEN AND SOMEDAYS ITS JUST A BIT TOUGHER THAN OTHERS…I LOVE YOU BABY BOY AND WILL SEE YOU IN HEAVEN…
 

 

July 8, 2011
BABY JAY YOU ARE 10 MONTHS OLD TODAY, I HOPE YOU ARE SOARING AND LIVING A WONDERFUL LIFE IN HEAVEN, YOU ARE AT THE FRONT OF MY THOUGHTS TODAY, WONDERING WHAT YOU WOULD BE DOING IF YOU WERE HERE, YOU’RE NOT, IN THE PHYSICAL SINCE BUT YOU ARE HERE IN MY HEART AND IN THE HEART OF YOUR MOMMY, SHE MISSES YOU SO MUCH AND SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH, BUT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT..WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO HAVE YOU HERE..I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE TO HAVE YOU HERE IN YOUR MOMMIES ARMS…I SEE YOU IN THE CLOUDS AND I SEE GRANDPA WITH YOU, I KNOW YOU ARE SAFE AND WELL AND LOVED IN HEAVEN AND SOMEDAY I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU TO HOLD YOU UNTIL YOUR MOMMY GETS THERE…I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY BOY..NANA’S LITTLE JAYBIRD, ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS AND IN MY HEART…
 

Jay and Aniyah

 

August 4, 2011
GOOD MORNING MY LITTLE LOVE…TODAY IS ANIYAH’S BIRTHDAY, I KNOW ANIYAH IS YOUR LITTLE BUDDY IN HEAVEN SO PLEASE GIVE HER A BIG HUG FOR YOUR NANA AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOUR MOMMY AND I ARE THINKING ABOUT HER AND WEARING PINK TO CELEBRATE HER BIG DAY. MY HEART IS BROKEN, WE ARE GOING TO BE HAVING YOUR BIG DAY SOON, I CANT EVEN IMAGINE THAT ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE YOU FOUGHT YOUR WAY INTO THIS WORLD AND MADE YOUR LITTLE LIFE A PART OF SOMETHING BIG IN JUST 33 DAYS. YOU HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE LOVING YOU AND THINKING ABOUT YOU STILL. YOU ARE IN YOUR NANA’S HEART EVERY MINUTE AND I KNOW YOUR MOMMY NEVER STOPS THINKING ABOUT YOU EITHER. I LOVE THE LITTLE SIGNS THAT YOU GIVE ME LETTING ME KNOW YOU ARE OK, BUT STILL FOR THE HUMAN SPIRIT IT HURTS SO BAD THAT WE CANNOT HOLD YOU IN OUR ARMS, KISS YOUR LITTLE FACE AND WRAP OUR ARMS AROUND YOU TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE LOVE YOU….LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU, ALWAYS IN MY HEART LTTLE JAYBIRD…
 

I'm not listening!!

 

August 18, 2011
LITTLE JAYBIRD, MY HEART IS TSO FULL OF NOTHING BUT EMPTYNESS AS YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY APPROACHES. MOMMY IS NOT DOING SO WELL EITHER. PLEASE LET HER KNOW THAT YOU ARE WITH HER AND WATCHING OVER HER. YOUR NANA HAS BEEN THINKING OF YOU EACH AND EVERYDAY LATELY, YOU WOULD BE STARTING TO WALK AND BABBLING A FEW BABY WORDS,YOU WOULD BE HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH BABY RAY RAY..SOMETIMES I THINK THAT GOD SENT US BABY RAE RAE TO EASE THE PAIN OF LOSING YOU..NOTHING MAKES SENSE, THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF ANYTHING THAT IS GOING TO FILL THAT VOID. YOU HAVE A NEW COUSIN COMING IN JANUARY, YOU WOULD BE EXACTLY ONE YEAR APART IF YOU WERE ALLOWED THE CHANCE..OH JAY..I LOVE YOU SO MUCH..
 

TINY FEET

 

August 19, 2011
SWEET PRECIOUS BABY BOY, I AM WORKING ON A MEMORIAL TO YOU. IT IS THE JOURNAL ENTRIES THAT I HAVE WRITTEN SINCE WE LOST YOU. ITS TO CELEBRATE YOU AND YOUR MOMMIES BIRTHDAY.. RELIVING THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE IS THE HARDEST THING, NEXT TO LOSING YOU. PLEASE WATCH OVER YOUR MOMMY , I KNOW THAT SHE IS HAVING A ROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW. PLEASE SHOW THEM SOME KIND OF SIGN THAT YOU ARE THERE WITH THEM..
 

 

August 30, 2011
BABY JAY, YOUR BIRTHDAY IS IN ONE WEEK AND TWO DAYS..I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET THE NIGHT THAT YOU WERE BORN, SO TINY AND SO SWEET. I WAS SO SCARED FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO ENDURE BEFORE YOU CAME HOME, BUT NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS DID I EVER THINK THAT YOU WOULD NOT BE COMING HOME..YOUR HOME IS NOW IN THE HEARTS OF YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY, YOUR NANA AND EVERYONE THAT LOVED YOU SO MUCH, AS THE DAYS INCH CLOSER ITS SO HARD TO THINK THAT WE SHOULD BE LIGHTING A CANDLE ON YOUR CAKE, NOT ON MY MEMORY SHELF IN THE LIVING ROOM….YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY HEART BABY BOY….
SEPTEMBER 7, 2011
LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME, WE WERE AT THE HOSPITAL IN RENO. WE WERE HOPING AND HOPING THAT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO STAY INSIDE YOUR MOMMY A FEW MORE WEEKS, YOUR MOMMY WAS DOING GREAT SO WE TALKED THE DR INTO LETTING YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS COME TO YOUR ROOM FOR A BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION, YOU SEE JAY, YOUR MOMMY AND YOUR UNCLE ALWAYS CELEBRATED TOGETHER.
 
 
 

 

SEPTEMBER 8, 2011

OH GOSH, TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!! ITS HERE ITS ACTUALLY BEEN ONE YEAR SINCE WE SAW YOU ENTER INTO OUR LIVES.. WE HAD DREAMS OF YOU DIGGING INTO YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY CAKE NOT RELEASING BALLOONS AND HOPING YOU CATCH ONE. PLEASE GIVE YOUR FRIEND KEITH A BIRTHDAY HUG FOR YOUR NANA, I KNOW GOD IS THROWING YOU TWO A GREAT PARTY.

 LAST YEAR WE BROUGHT BALLOONS, AND CAKE TO THE HOSPITAL AND WE SPLIT THE TIME SO THERE WERE NOT TOO MANY VISITORS AT THE SAME TIME, WE DIDN’T WANT YOUR MOMMY TO GET TOO EXCITED…YOUR AUNTS AND UNCLES WENT FIRST AND YOUR MOMMY WAS GOOD, NANA AND BOOMPA GOT THERE AND I COULD SEE IN YOUR MOMMIES FACE THAT SHE WAS NOT FEELING WELL SO I RUSHED TO GET THE NURSE, THINKING THAT THEY COULD STOP WHAT WAS GOING ON. WHEN THEY TOLD US YOU WERE BEING BORN THAT NIGHT, MOMMY AND I LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND JUST CRIED, WE WERE SO SCARED, SO SCARED FOR YOU, BUT THEN YOU WERE BORN AND YOU FILLED THE WHOLE UNIVERSE WITH THIS OVERWELMING LOVE. YOU STILL DO…CAN WE THINK OF YOU WITHOUT SADNESS, NOT YET!! ARE YOU STILL IN OUR HEARTS? FOREVER AND EVER!! THE SHORT TIME THAT YOU SPENT IN OUR LIVES CHANGED EVERYTHING. YOU HAVE THE BEST MOMMY!! SHE LOVES YOU WITH ALL HER HEART AND THE DAY YOU ARE REUNITED WILL BE A VERY SPECIAL DAY AND ALL THE STUFF THAT SHE HAS GONE THROUGH WILL NOT MATTER, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN MY PRECIOUS..I’M SURE GOD IS THROWING YOU A SUPER PARTY, WE WILL BE THERE TO CELEBRATE WITH YOU SOMEDAY.. I LOVE YOU TO HEAVEN AND BACK!!!!!

 
 
 

OCTOBER 15, 2011

TODAY IS INFANT LOSS AWARNESS, AND I AM LIGHTING MY CANDLE FOR YOU TONIGHT, I HOPE YOU CAN LOOK DOWN AND SEE THE WAVE OF LIGHT THAT WE ARE CREATING TO HONOR ALL OF YOU SPECIAL LITTLE ANGLES,  THIS HAS BEEN A VERY HARD WEEK,  FOUR DAYS AGO WE SURPASSED THE ONE YEAR MARK OF LOSING YOU.  YOU WERE NEVER FAR FROM MY MIND, GOING OVER AND OVER, WHAT WE WENT THROUGH THAT WEEK AND EACH DY AFTER.  WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO O BACK IN TIME AND SEE YOU ONE MORE TIME, STAY BY YOUR SIDE UNTIL YOU LEFT US.  YOU ARE IN MY HEART FOREVER AND YOU NANA LOVES YOU, YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE YOU!!

 

November 9, 2011

My sweet Little Angel Baby, I am so worried, your cousin Elijah is in the hospital with his mommy, the same hospital you were in.  He is supposed to come into t his world in January, but it looks as though God may have different plans or him as well.  I will be walking through those doors to the NICU once again, and I know you will be all I can think about, if you could send your Nana some strength to get through those doors, let me feel your presence there.  My heart is so brokenn and I am so worried, you are the most courageous person that I have ever met, I know you will be there for us.  You came to your Mommy in a dream the other night, thank you precious Angel, she needs to feel you close.  I love you forever and ever!!

 

DECEMBER 2012

ANGEL BABY JAY, WE ARE APPROACHING ANOTHER HOLIDAY SEASON WITHOUT YOU, IF I COULD JUST TURN BACK THE CLOCK, I KNOW YOU WOULD BE HERE BECAUSE I KNOW YOUR MOMMY WOULD MAKE DIFFERNET CHOICES AND NOT LISTEN TO THE DR.'S, YOU WOULD STILL BE HERE.  YOUR COUSIN ELIJAH WAS BORN EARLY, HE WAS TWO WEEKS OLDER THAN YOU WHEN YOU WERE BORN.  IN MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE NEVER SEEN A BABY SO SMALL AND IN THIS PAST YEAR I HAVE SEEN TWO, I DID IT, I WALKED THROUGH THE NICU DOORS WITH THE HELP OF YOUR UNCLE.  BABY BOY, YOU WERE THERE WITH ME I COULD FEEL YOU SO STRONGLY.  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH.  MOMMY AND DADDY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...

 

January 13, 2012

MY SWEET ANGEL BABY, ANOTHER HOLIDAY SEASON HAS GONE BY WITHOUT YOU HERE, WE ARE NOW IN ANOTHER YEAR AS WELL.  ALL WE COULD DO IS LIGHT CANDLES IN HOPES THAT YOU WOULD SEE OUR LIGHTS SHINING FOR YOU FROM HEAVEN. MY HEART IS STILL HAS SUCH A BIG VOID WHERE YOU SHOULD BE, WE SHOULD BE WATCHING YOU WALK, STARTING TO TALK, BUT WE  ONLY IN OUR DREAMS.  YOUR MOMMY AND I ARE GOING TO JOIN THE MARCH OF DIMES AND MARCH IN YOUR NAME,  ITS ALL WE CAN DO TO KEEP YOUR MEMORY ALIVE.  YOU PRECIOUS ANGEL, OUR LITTLEST ANGEL!!!!

 

 

Our second Valentines with out YOU!

FEBRUARY 14, 2012

SWEET ANGEL BABY, IT IS NOW OUR SECOND VALENTINES DAY WITHOUT YOU, YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN AND NEVER WILL BE, YOU HAVE BEEN LETTING YOUR NANA KNOW THAT YOU ARE HERE, I WAS AT THE STORE A FEW DAYS AGO AND SAW A STROLLER LIKE YOURS FOR A SPLIT SECOND I SAW YOU THERE SITTING IN THE STROLLER, YOUR BEAUTIFUL LITTLE FACE WITH YOUR BLOND CURLY HAIR AND A BIG SMILE.. I HAD TO LEAVE THE STORE, ON MY WAY OUT I SAW THIS BEAUTIFUL BLUE ANGEL WITH A BABY, I KNOW IT WAS YOU GIVING ME A SIGN THAT YOU WERE OK.  BABY YOU ARE SO LOVED AND SO MISSED, THE HOLE IN MY HEART WILL NEVER GO AWAY!!!!  I SOMETIMES SEE MOMMY CRYING OR SHE JUST LEAVES THE ROOM REALLY FAST I KNOW THAT ITS HER HEART BREAKING OVER AND OVER AND IT MAKES ME SO SAD THAT I CANT FIX IT FOR HER..REST WELL WITH THE ANGELS PRECIOUS BABY, I KNOW YOUR NOT ALONE!!

 

TODAY I WAS WALKING THROUGH A STORE AND OF COURSE THINKING ABOUT YOU, I FELT MY HEART START TO EXPLODE i HAD TO GET OUT, AS I WAS RUNNING FOR THE DOOR THIS BEAUTIFUL BLUE ANGEL CAUGHT ME FROM THE FORNER OF MY EYE!!  I BELIEVE THAT YOU SENT THIS TO US!!

YOUR BEAUTIFUL BLUE ANGEL!!!!!!

 

`How we` remember!!

APRIL 12, 2011

MY PRECIOUS GRANDSON, MY TEARS ARE FLOWING TODAY, SO MUCH HAS CHANGED SINCE YOU LEFT US!  I KNOW THAT YOU COULDNT STAY HERE WITH US BUT I DONT KNOW WHY.. ITS BEEN A YEAR AND A HALF AND ALTHOUGH THE HEART IS A BIT SOFTER, ITS STILL SO BROKEN, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT, I MISS YOUR MOMMY SO MUCH BUT SHE AND DADDY NEEDED TO DO WHAT THEY NEEDED TO DO, PLEASE KNOW THAT I THINK ABOUT YOUR SWEET LITTLE FACE EACH AND EVERY DAY, NEVER WILL A DAY GO BY THAT I WILL NOT REMEMBER AND THINK ABOUT MY SEVENTH GRANDCHILD, GOD BLESSED US FOR THIRTY THREE WONDERFUL DAYS OF KNOWING YOU AND A LIFETIME OF LOVING YOU..AS LONG AS I LIVE YOU WILL LIVE IN MY HEART! LOVE YOUR NANA

 

FLY WITH THE ANGELS LITTLE BUTTERFLY!

May, 2012 ANGEL BABY, TODAY I DECIDED TO CONTACT THE NURSES THAT LOVED AND CARED FOR YOU WHILE YOU WERE IN THE NICU, SHE ASKED ME WHAT YOUR LAST NAME WAS AND TOLD HER YOUR MOMMY WAS  LONG AND YOUR DADDY WAS LEACH, AND GUESS WHAT BABY, THE NURSE REMEMBERED YOU, SHE SAID "BABY JOHNNY? I REMEMBER"  SEE ANGEL JAY YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.

June 15, 2011 ANGEL BABY BOY, SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE FOR, YOUR UNCLE GOT MARRIED, YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY CAME TO THE WEDDING AND THEY LOOK LIKE THEY ARE FINDING SOME PEACE. THEY STILL LOVE AND MISS YOU, AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE FIRST THING YOUR MOMMY THINKS ABOUT IN THE MORNING AND THE LAST THING SHE THINKS ABOUT AT NIGHT AND WHEN YOU COME TO HER IN HER DREAMS SHE CAN SEE YOU AND I KNOW SHE FINDS PEACE IN THAT.  YOU ARE GOING TO BE TWO IN HEAVEN IN A FEW MONTHS, I HAVE STARTED YOUR VIRTUAL BIRTHDAY PARTY SO THAT WE CAN HAVE SO MANY CANDLES LIT FOR YOUR BIG DAY.  I KNOW BABY JAY THAT YOU WILL SEE THE LOVE THAT IS HERE FROM YOUR SPECIAL PLACE IN HEAVEN.  MOMMY, DADDY AND NANA MISSES YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND TO HEAVEN AND BACK

 

August 1, 2012

PRECIOUS ANGEL BABY, MY HEART HAS BEEN SO SAD LATELY, I MISS YOUR MOMMY SO MUCH, I KNOW THAT SHE THINKS ABOUT YOU EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY AND I KNOW YOU COME TO HER IN HER DREAMS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT, SHE NEEDS TO SEE HER SON.  ONE DAY WE WILL ALL BE TOGETHER.  YOU ARE COMMING UP ON TWO YEARS OLD!   HOW IS IT IN HEAVEN, IS YOUR DAY AS BIG IN HEAVEN AS IT WOULD BE IF YOU WERE HERE ON THIS EARTH? OF ALL THE BABIES BORN EARLY, I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY GOD CHOSE TO TAKE YOU BACK!!  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS I DO KNOW THAT, BUT WHY????? WHY CANT WE HAVE YOU HERE IN OUT FAMILY?  HERE FOR CELEBRATIONS? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN OUR HEARTS AND MEMORIES?  YOU WERE BORN SO HEALTHY FOR SUCH A SMALL BABY, SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE A CRUEL CRUEL JOKE THAT WAS PLAYED ON YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY, I KNOW IT WASNT BUT SOMETIMES IT FEELS THAT WAY!

 YOU ARE LOVED BABY JOHNNY, TO HEAVEN AND BACK!!!!

 

 

SEPTEMBER 12, 2012

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY HAS COME AND GONE, ANOTHER YEAR YOU ARE SPENDING IN HEAVEN, DOES IT GET EASIER?  NO, ESPECIALLY NOT FOR YOUR MOMMY or DADDY THEY MISS YOU SO MUCH.  MY HEART BREAKS EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT THE PAIN THAT IS IN MY LITTLE GIRLS HEART, NOTHING CAN FIX THAT!  YOU ARE HER LIGHT!!  HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY WITH JESUS.  WE MADE YOU A CAKE WITH TWO LITTLE CANDLES ON IT, THERE WERE CANDLES LIT IN OUR HOME AND ALL OVER THE WORLD IN REMEMBERANCE OF YOUR BRIEF APPEARANCE ON THIS EARTH!  FOREVER LIVING IN MY HEART, FOREVER A PART OF YOUR MOMMY AND DADDIES HEART AND SOLE!  TO HEAVEN AND BACK!

 

YOUR GREAT UNCLE..REST IN PEACE CHASE!

October 28, 2012

PRECIOUS ANGEL YOU HAVE ANOTHER ANGEL LOOKING AFTER YOU IN HEAVEN, YOUR UNCLE JOINED YOU, IT MAKES MY HEART SAD AND HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME, I KNOW YOU NOW HAVE ANOTHER SET OF LOVING ARMS WRAPPED AROUND YOU UNTIL WE GET THERE.

DRIVING TO WORK A FEW DAYS AGO I COULDNT HELP BUT THINK THAT YOU WOULD BE 2 YRS OLD, RUNNING AROUNG, LEARNING NEW WORDS, EXPERIENCING NEW THINGS, MYHEART WAS SO BROKEN, I JUST CRIED..YES WE DO STILL CRY FOR YOU!!!  I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE FOR YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY!

SENDING YOU LOVE AND BEAUTIFUL LIGHT IN HEAVEN LITTLE ANGEL!

 

We survived the holidays with out you for another year, your little face and your little spirit was never far from out thoughts.  We have so many reminders of you not only during the hollidays but every day.  You are so loved, so missed..Angel kisses to your Mommy, I know you would send them if you could.."tears"

 

Precious child!! I love you so much!!!! This is never gonna be over! you will always be with your family!!

 

February 25, 2013

Going into the third year without you, my heart breaks!! Never far from my thoughts and always in my heart!!

 

February 28, 2013

Today is a Baby Johnny Day for me, I'm sure that everyday is for Mommy!  You brought so much love to our world..I think about you EVERYDAY...Not one day goes by that you are not in my heart and thoughts!

 

March 12, 2013

TODAY I THINK ABOUT YOU, YESTERDAY I THOUGH ABOUT YOU AND TOMORROW I WILL STILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU.  YOU SHOULD BE WITH YOUR MOMMY RIGHT NOW.  THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOIES BY THAT YOUR FAMILY DOES NOT THINK ABOUT YOU LITTLE MAN..LOVE TO HEAVEN!

 

April 19, 2013

ANGEL BABY ITS YOUR NANAS BIRTHDAY, I GOT TO CELEBRATE WITH YOUR COUSINS, I GOT A BIRTHDAY CALL FROM JAREN, YOUR OLDEST COUSIN, YOU WERE NEVER FAR FROM MY  HEART! I LOVE YOU TO HEAVEN AND BACK, IF I COULD TURN BACK THE CLOCK AND MAKE THINGS OK, YOU HERE, YOU IN YOUR MAMAS ARMS, YOUR MOMMY HAPPY, YOU AT ALL OF OUR CELEBRATIONS I WOULD DO THAT, I CANT, WE HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL WE GET TO HEAVEN TO HOLD YOU, I KNOW GRANDPA IS HOLDING YOU FOR  US..PRECIOUS BABY!! YOU ARE LOVED AND NEVER NEVER FORGOTTEN!!

 

Another Mothers Day that we celebrate your mama, but her arms are empty, she should be holding a 2 and a half yr old little man, she holds you so tightly in her heart!! Honey I love you so much, you are the one missing...Love to your Mommy from heaven and love to you from Earth!! You are never forgotten!

 

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