A letter from Mommy

My Baby Holden,

As I write this letter to you, I want to let you know how very much I love you and will always love you, and why I love you so much. You are now and always have been everything to me. You are my very sunshine. I remember the moment you were born and how absolutely beautiful you were. I have never seen a more attractive child then you are Holden, and I would say to everyone, "Isn't he the cutest baby you have ever saw".

Right from the first breath it was obvious that you were very special, and that there would be some obstacles that we would have to get through. I vowed to you that you would never experience anything alone. We did everything so that each and every moment you could be by my side, and I by you. I remember when visitors would come by the house and you would run out to their car to get in the back seat to go bye-bye, I hope you can understand why we never let you be apart from us. You are so vitally important to me, I couldn't stand to be apart from you. I will never forget the Disney shows, and the nursery rhymes that would play constantly on the car stereo. The trips we made to Jungle Jims, Discovery Zone, Museums, Arts Festivals, McDonalds, and the Parks. These trips were a part of our life and I enjoyed them as much as you.

How I loved to see you smile and to hear you sing and laugh. You did that a lot. You were always happy and smiling. Never did your heart defect or the struggles you have been through in your life ever effect your personality or outlook on your life. You never complained about any pain or suffering that you had been through. After your open heart surgery, you would have so much pain for months afterwards. Every morning, you would be sore and stiff and would moan with pain until the Tylenol would take effect. This whole time, you would just smile and give hugs, never crying. Oh Holden, why after going through so much did you have to die when we thought you would finally be just fine. I miss you so much. I miss everything about you. Everynight you would sleep with me and I would tell you oh honey, get closer and so you would scoot over more, then I would say Oh no honey, get even closer and so you would scoot so close to me and I would hold you all night every night. I will never forget the way it felt to hold your little hand in mine or the feel of your chubby little foot against my thigh. I will cherish those feeling forever.

I love you so much Holden because you love so much in return. The day that you died, you had fell asleep with your brother and so when you woke up in the morning, you were mad because I was not right next to you. I remember how you came up the stairway with your arms tightly folded and your nose in the air. I knew what was wrong and told you to come here, but you jumped in the opposite chair. I got on my knees and ran over there and gave you a thousand kisses all over your face, neck and belly. Then you were fine. Those were the last kisses I ever was able to give you. Now you are in paradise. I am so happy that you will never have to live in a world that you are just to good and pure for, but I miss you. There is a saying that the brighter the candle the quicker it burns and you Holden were the brightest candle of all. I can't wait until we are reunited once again although I know I have to. Honey, mommy misses you greatly and I love you bigger than a billion, Even bigger than a T-Rex.
Mommy