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Memories

 

Memorial created 12-18-2006 by
Teresa Smola
Charles R. Smola
March 1 1987 - November 9 2005

In Memory of Charlie Smola, our son, brother and friend. We miss him very much. Please sign Charlie's guest book and let us know you came to visit.

 

THE BROKEN CHAIN We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name, In life we loved you dearly,in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone, For part of us went with you, the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide, And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again. --Author Unknown

 

I'm Gonna Miss You More

 

I’m gonna miss you more than an alcoholic misses his booze
I’m gonna miss you more than a musician misses his tunes
I’m gonna miss you more than the night sky misses the moon
I’m gonna miss you more than a Corgi misses its food
I’m gonna miss you more than Batman would Robin
I’m gonna miss you more because we had so much in common
I’m gonna miss you more than a smoker misses nicotine
I’m gonna miss you more than a seagull misses the sea
I’m gonnna miss you more than the sight of a pretty girl
I’m gonna miss you so much cuz you’ve left this world.
 
By Dustin Tyria
 (read at Charlie's funeral)
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

There was no such thing as boredom around Charlie. He made sure of that. He loved music, working out and just having fun with the people he cared about. He was a senior in high school and was to graduate in May 2006. Unfortunately, that was never to be. Charlie was injured in an accident a half mile from our house on November 7. He died on Wednesday, Nov. 9, 2005 from a severe brain injury as a result of that accident. It's really hard to think of a future without him. What would he be doing today? 

What was Charlie like? He loved working out and would spend hours in the basement with the music blasting. And shopping . . . he would try things that totally surprised me. One of his favorite shirts that came in the mail a week before his accident was a pink and black striped shirt (it matched his pink and black striped socks). Dustin said at the funeral that he and Charlie were friends because they were the two square pegs that wouldn't fit in the round holes at their school. That's a pretty good way to sum it up. It's amazing to watch the video tapes they made. They even finished each other's sentences!! It was weird. . All this being said, he was a long way from perfect. No one could make me as angry or make me laugh as much as Charlie could. I think he sometimes tried to see just how far he could push someone. Then, of course, he would turn on the charm.

 

WISH LIST FOR BEREAVED PARENTS

I wish my child hadn't died, I wish I had him back.

 I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also. I

f I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief, I thank you for both.

I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, or other remembrances from your home. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me, I need you now more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

I know you might pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in a short period of time. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. Grief is a life long process. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.

I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice, however, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off.

When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone

. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.

I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. .

...BUT…I pray daily that you will NEVER understand.

Copyright © 2008 - 2009 Compassionate Friends

 

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